"I remember 1-12-10"

It is January 12, 2013 - three years after the nightmare that claimed hundreds of thousands of lives in Haiti and brought destruction to many more.  As I think back to that life-altering event, I briefly allow my mind to run wild.  Back to the terror that half a minute brought as our house and the ground shook violently around us.  I remember the clouds of dust as buildings shook, then collapsed into powdery pieces throughout the city.  I remember the horrifying screams from the ravine and our surrounding neighborhood as human life was either crushed out immediately or slowly snuffed out if no help came in time.  I remember wave after unsettling wave of aftershocks as we, along with our neighbors, convened in the streets to check on one another.  It is hard to forget the many sleepless nights as we all sought refuge away from our homes and the walls that might fall at any moment.  Regardless of color, social status, or money, we were all in the same situation, aimlessly trying to make sense of the bewilderment around us.  Concern mounted as people tried to take stock of their needs and food supplies quickly ran low.  I remember the piles of rubble everywhere, as we drove to the non-functioning and over-run Toussaint Louverture airport days later.  I remember desperately trying to divert my children's eyes from the growing heaps of dead bodies on the side of every road.  I remember the chaos of a country in ruin and leaving my pilot husband behind, unhindered by his family, so that he could help bring hope to the hurting mess that the earthquake had left in Haiti.

It is noticeable that my body is rigid, tensed up tight as I allow myself to think, "What if it happens again?  What if I were crushed or trapped and suffering?  What if my loved ones were underneath the broken concrete and I could not get to them?  What then, how would I act Lord, what would I do?"  The feelings are all still there, three years later, if I let them surface, and for a moment I do:  panic, terror, paranoia, fear, anxiety, tears.  And then I let my Lord's comfort and love surround me and calm my anxious, racing thoughts as I take them captive for His glory.  I don't often let those feelings get the best of me.  I try to keep them reined in so they don't consume my daily life.  So instead, I choose to praise.  I remember God's presence with me those days when I needed Him most and I praise Him.  I remember His protection for my family, our house, our neighbors and coworkers and other friends and I praise Him for life.  I remember my Lord's miraculous provisions time after time, as we dealt with death, and loss, and destruction and I thank Him for His comfort amidst tumultuous times.  I remember, I mourn, I reflect, I accept, I find peace, I praise, and I go forth confident in a God who is always with me.  I say with the Psalmist David, "I will extol you, my God and King, and bless your name forever and ever.  Every day I will bless you and praise your name forever and ever.  Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised, and his greatness is unsearchable.  The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.  My mouth will speak the praise of the Lord, and let all flesh bless his holy name forever and ever.  Psalm 145:1, 2, 3, 18, 21.